It's extremely late...

and I am very tired, but I just cannot go to sleep.  Tyler and I had a movie night after he got off of work.  I rented Easy A which was actually really good and pretty funny.  Afterwards he put on a documentary about John Hughes that really makes me wanna watch a bunch of 80's movies.  Now, he's playing Call of Duty and I'm here.....unable to sleep. 

I want to take the time to express my feelings (hope you don't mind me being all 'mushy') for Tyler.  Believe me, they can vary from day to day, hell, I'd say second to second, but when it all boils down to it, I love him with my whole heart and I care for him so deeply.  I've said this before, but I never imagined us together...I never even thought that it could maybe possibly happen.  Oddly, and thankfully, it did...we did... and I'm so grateful for it.  Don't get me wrong, we've had our differences...no couple is perfect and we definitely aren't, but there is a sense of pride I get with Tyler.  I'm incredibly proud to call him 'mine' and I would hope that he's proud to claim me as the same.  I won't lie, I wonder sometimes if I mean as much to him as he does to me, but then I look at it this way... If he is with me, even after a year, and he's living with me, happily, and there is more good than bad, then I have to be doing something right.  Right?  I would hope so.  I've also noticed that I yearn to find an interest in what he enjoys and does...most noted, the military.  I've never known so much about the military (any branch, although both my dad and step dad were Navy) as I do now.  I take it upon myself to learn more about it, too, because I know that its very important to him.  He's trying to make a career out of it, and I support him 100%.  Of course I'm scared, but if I were to back out of our relationship because of that very reason, scared of being left behind, I'd be a coward and my love for him wouldn't be considered unconditional, but instead, conditional.  My love is most certainly unconditional and I hope he knows it. 

One of things I've also mentioned before is how much I dream and WANT to get married and have a family.  I've never pushed this on him, but he does know that it is, ultimately, my biggest desire in life.  It always has been.  The other day, while I was as work, he sent me a text message that stated...

"I love you.  And I'm excited to for us to start our new life together.  You know, it'll be here before you know it."

It may not mean anything to you, I mean, it shouldn't, but once I read that, it made my heart flutter and brought tears to my eyes.  One thing you must know about me is that I am a hopeless romantic.  I love positive reinforcement and I love hearing how much I mean to the one I love.  It's just a great feeling.  With Tyler, he doesn't always express that...not saying he's a brick wall, but he's not one to be mushy all of the time and that's okay.  However, I need this kind of language some of the time; it's reassuring and I bet anyone can relate to that.  I'm the kind of 'lover' who will shower you with all of my love whether you want it or not and I will make damn well sure that you know that you mean the world to me.  It's always nice to have that same kind of 'love', I guess you could say, given back and when Tyler lets that side out, I melt to pieces.  It's the hopless romantic in me...I can't help it.  He's a great man, and I know it.  I just love him so much!!!

Anyway.... to end, here are a few photos that I've been meaning to add!  Goodnight all, I'm going to try to catch some Z's!

My Jeep with the tinted windows that Tyler got done for me!

Tyler (cheesin' it) and I on our way to my parents' house for Christmas

The Coach shoes Tyler got me for Christmas.  He knows that Coach is my absolute favorite :)

He's got good taste!

We finally got another couch...thank goodness this one is an ACTUAL COUCH! 

It looks like a living room now!

....and a closer view of the living room and couches!

Merry Christmas

I'm a little late, but I haven't been on the computer in a few days.... so I hope everyone had a very good Christmas!  I was so busy over the past few days finishing up my Christmas shopping that I just had no time for the internet world!  I had Thursday, Friday, and Saturday off for the Holiday and I enjoyed having the days off so much...though I was busy the majority of the time!  Let's see....Thursday I went out while Tyler was at work to finish getting the rest of his presents.  It's always easiest to get his stuff while he's at work :p
As soon as I dropped him off, I went to Jimmy John's and got him a $20.00 gift card....now, normally I wouldn't get anyone a gift card because they just don't seem that personal or thoughtful to me, but he kept mentioning over the past week, numerous times, how much he would 'really like a Jimmy John's gift card'.  So since the man likes to eat, I said what the heck!  Plus, it made for a really good stocking stuffer!  Then I went to Walmart to pick up a photo book that I designed online for him.  It's actually really neat because it holds up to forty different photos and you can add text to them and the outside of the book is a durable canvas.  I've always been one to make things for gifts, because I feel like they mean a lot more than just buying things, and I thought that it could definitely be something that is small enough for him to take with him one day when he leaves for active duty training for the Army.  I mainly used photos of us, but added two pictures from this previous Halloween because they are just too funny.  When ever he is gone...of course I want him to be able to look at us together and all of the times we've had, but I also want him to be able to laugh at the times with his friends, too.  That's why I love taking so many darn pictures....they capture so much and then the memories just start flowing.  The outside of the book is like a tan-ish brown color, which is perfect because his ACU's are mainly this color and it matches all of his Army gear.  I plan on putting his last name on the front of it, kind of like he does all of his backpacks and stuff...that way, it all fits in.  I got him a few other things, but one that I know he definitely LOVES is his Xbox.  Can't get him off of that thing. lol.  Boys will be boys, right?  I asked him today if we could buy a game that we could both play....you know, for a little more 'quality time'?  :p 

Two of the most difficult people to buy for are my parents.  My mom ALWAYS tells me not to buy them anything, but of course, I do....but since they never tell me what they would like, I just have to wing it.  This Christmas, I got Jim, (my step-dad), a few games for his new Xbox because I know that he loves playing on it when he's not working.  He really liked them, so I was happy.  We also gave him Band of Brothers, the WWII series that is like, 10 hours long.  I'm usually not one for these types of movies, but I've watched it all with Tyler, and it is amazing.  I'd recommend it.  Since Jim is retired Navy, we knew he would enjoy it as well.  For my mom, I got her this wax burner thing that I also have.  It's a lamp type things, (just bare with me while I try to describe it, lol) that has a detachable lid and of course, inside, has a super bright lightbulb.  You take the wax squares (there are so many different scents) and break one off, put it on top of the detachable lid and the lightbulb heats this up, burning the wax and lets off the scent of the wax.  They work so much better than candles and you can reuse the wax over and over.  I got her two scents to start off with : Oatmeal Cookies and Vanilla Bean.  I also got her some Chef Man decor because she also has a Chef Man themed kitchen.

I had a pretty good Christmas, as well.  My mom and Jim bought both Tyler and I a TV and Bluray DVD player the month we moved in and told us that this was our Christmas present.  I was so surprised, and defintely very appreciative.  We've put it to good use so far, with his new Xbox and all of the movies and documentaries we watch on Netflix.
Tyler ended up tinting my windows on my Jeep and they look so good!  I didn't expect it at all to be honest, but I am so happy with them.  It was really cute the way he did it.  He 'borrowed' my car one day (gone pretty much the whole day) and when he got home, he made me go outside (eyes closed) and when I was to my car, I opened them and there was a big red Christmas bow on my car and the windows were tinted. At first I didn't notice, but then it hit me.  He is so good because one day a while back we saw a car exactly like mine, except it had tinted windows, and I kept saying how good it looked and that one day I wanted to do the same to mine.  I guess he really listened and took it upon himself to make it happen!  I'll post a picture soon!  He also got me some really cute Coach tennis shoes...he really knows me all too well and knows that I love me some Coach. 

I'm pretty excited because we both got two of the same gifts, not for each other, but from his side of the family.... ARKANSAS VS. OHIO STATE SUGAR BOWL TICKETS!!!!  NEW ORLEANS, BABY!!!!  We were planning on going but didn't get the tickets in time, but his aunt and uncle ended up getting some pretty good seats for themselves.  Because they can't go, they decided that they would give them to us for Christmas since we were initially planning on going with them.  Neither of us expected it, but we were super happy!!!  It'll be an interesting trip!

Besides all of the gifts, we had a really good Christmas and would have, EVEN if we didn't get everything we did.  We are definitely fortunate to have the ones around us that we do and I am so very grateful for everyone in my life.  It was nice being able to see everyone and to spend the time that we did with them...plus, the food was great! 

Maturity and Stupidity

People are stupid and lack maturity.  Assuming things really will make an 'ass' out of someone, so please, before jumping on something that I hold as an opinion, make sure you understand what I am saying.  Its the mature thing to do. 

I don't understand why people strive on hating, and why they can't let go.  The mature thing to do, would be to talk about whatever it is that is a problem, instead of playing the role of a 'high schooler'.  I've tried this many times, but your unwillingness and childish games have not allowed this.

Grow the hell up.

Not such a good night

....but I'm still here.  Tonight we noticed that Ranger has tapeworm.  We knew she had fleas and as soon as we noticed that, we took her to the vet and got that taken care of but we think what happen is that she ate a few of the fleas....causing the worm.  We looked it up and that is how they are developed most often.  So I called the vet and got a hold of their after hours answering service and the doctor was supposed to call us back, but they didn't so now she's locked in that bathroom.  Poor baby....I'm just glad we caught it.  Tomorrow I am going to take her so that we can get this taken care of.  I can't stand her not being perfectlly fine :/ 

On a happier note, my pumpkin cheesecake won the dessert contest at Tyler's work!  He got a $25 Walmart gift card....not too shabby, but go figure....he works at the Walmart Corporate Gym. 

(I know, the top appears to be burnt, but that's just the film layer of the pumpkin!)

Tomorrow, some of the bills are due......talk about stressful!!!  I think it should just be a rule that bills in December should be automatically deleted from our 'to-do' lists.  That's fair...right?!? ..I've been nagging at Tyler lately because we haven't done anything together lately, that is considered actual quality time, and it really bothers me.  Sure, we live together, but just seeing each other every day doesn't keep a relationship strong, enjoying each other does.  We had planned to have a day for just us on Tuesday (tomorrow) but one of his friends called him and they are having a get together for old friends (just guys, which I'm fine with) but because we have to do bills and the vet tomorrow, we get no time together....but instead, he's hanging with them.  It's just disappointing and I feel like I'm the last little notch on his priority line.  I've made this clear, too.

All I can say is 'okay, that is fine' and be done with it.  I'm sure we'll still find something to do at some point.  I still love him to death. :p

Sooner Rather Than Later

I'm in a great mood tonight!  I got off of work at 6:00 and then Tyler and I went over to a family friends' house for a while.  We had to go to Walmart, which is a night time ritual it seems like, and buy ingredients to make a pumpkin cheesecake.  I made one not too long ago just because I had found a recipe and it sounded good, so I tried it and it was delicious.  Tyler's work is having a dessert contest and he really wanted me to make one to enter soooooo we made one together.  I can smell it right now and it smells yummy!  Hopefully we win :) 

Right now I'm just sitting on the couch cuddled with a blanket on the laptop playing with Ranger, while Tyler is sittin' next to me playing Xbox.  It's a nice quite night and I am loving it. 

And now a look at our home

Part of the living room (the photo is a little off center at the moment....and a little too high...lol)

More of the living room.  I'm really picky so I'll just point out that those cords behind the tv will be hidden soon!

Electric faux fireplace

 Arch way entry view from kitchen

Chef-Man themed kitchen

Bathroom

My new bedding.  I've become obsessed with Damask and am so happy with the color scheme!

Looks so romantic when the candles are lit :p

That's it for now ya'll.  Goodnight!

Falling Behind Already

Okay, so one day I will be an avid blogger that will keep an up-to-date blog every single day, but as of now, I just do not have the time.  I've been so busy with the last ending stretch of school, it being finals week and all, and also with working almost every day.  When I do finally have some free time, (which is usually only after 6:00 PM) I'm usually cleaning the apartment or just sitting at home trying not to fall asleep.  Now that Fall semester is FINALLY over, I'll definitely have much more time to enjoy myself and relax...which I'm super excited about.  I'm just happy that I passed all of my classes :)  Next semester is going to be much busier and more difficult though.  My class schedule is going to look like this:

• Composition 2 (Online)
• Art Appreciation (Online)
• Intro to Philosophy
• German I
• History of American People

A whole total of 15 hours of school, plus somehow holding down a 38-40 hour/week job at the call center.  It's going to be tough, but very worth it in the end.  Luckily I chose two online classes so I could work more. 


I hung out with one of my good friends the other day, Kim, who I haven't seen in quite a while.  It was a lot of fun.  We ate at Maria's, which is a really good Mexican restaurant here in Rogers, went back to my place so she could meet Ranger and see my new place, and then went Christmas shopping.  I'm really glad we got to hang out.  It has been way too long.  Kim and I have always had a very good friendship, but every since this school year has started, and she's been in Fayetteville and me in Bentonville, it's been harder to see each other.  Also, of course, having a boyfriend doesn't help either....


Kim and I

Hopefully we can start hanging out more and keep building our friendship

Last night we had some people over to just hang out.   It was the first time a group of people has actually ever been over because we just haven't had the time and because we've been trying to get the place looking good.  Finally, everything is coming together.  I'll post some pictures of the place later :)  Having them over was really nice.  It was Tyler, our friend Michael, and this guy from Tyler's unit that is a little bit older than us, Derrick, and his girlfriend, Candace.  They are very nice people and just great to be around.  The guys had some beer and played Xbox and Candace and I just talked about a lot of different things.

 I feel so bad for Candace because Derrick is about to leave for Afghanastan on January 29 for a year, and this will be their first deployment as a couple.  He's been before, but not while they have been together.  I will make sure to keep in touch with her as I can only imagine how hard it's going to be for her.  

 Tyler and I have decided that we much rather be surround by older people, we're talking mid 20's -30's rather than people our age.  It's just more....relaxed (less dramatic-more mature) I guess you could say.  I've always thought I was more 'mature' for my age...and I mean that in no kind of bitchy way.  I've definitely always been the 'mom' of all of my friends.  :p

I think that's it for now!  I'll post again soon, but for now, here are some more photos! 

Tyler and I for my 20th Birthday before dinner

This was Halloween 2010.  Aaron, Dustin, Tyler, Myself, and Holly.

My step dad, Jim, me, and my mom on the day they finally got married.  After 8 years, they decided to tie the knot.

Tyler and I; the beginning of our relationship

One of the two Florida vacations we've taken together since October, 2009

Kim and I on our way to see Modest Mouse



First Ever

For my first entry, I 'd just really like to tell you a little about me- my life now, my life a month ago, a year ago and the plans in my life of which I'd really like to follow.  To start, I graduated Rogers High School in 2009 and from there moved out and went to the UofA. It was the first time that I had ever been on my own and I really like it...a lot.  I had a boyfriend at the time, of four years, that I lived with.  During my first year of college, well more like the beginning of my first semester, I realized that I was not completely satisfied with where I was, mainly in terms of my relationship, and I was not sure why.  I still believe to this day that because I had never been in any other relationship, I had grown to wonder if there was more out there for me.  I would try to push the thought into the back of my mind, but it never went away and it eventually put me at a very rough time in my life where I was severly depressed.  I was to the point to where I didn't care if I was alive any longer.  I think I was this way because my change of heart was so unexpected.  I had absolutely no idea as to why I felt this way.  It was even harder because we had lived together during this and I just wanted out.  We ended up taking a break, but I know it just wasn't that same...and eventually ended it.  Because out relationship was a big deal to our families, no one actually knew that things were over months before they actually found out.  Most of my friends didn't know either...except Andrea; which is why I was probably looked down upon for dating Tyler (my current boyfriend).  It probably seemed like I broke up with John on a Wednesday and started seeing Tyler on that Friday.  That was definitely not the case.

I only went into detail about my past because it really made me who I am today.  I appreciate life so much more today than I did a year ago because I knew how it felt to want to die.  Since then, I knew that I could love someone else and I'm grateful for that.  That brings me to where I am today.

I've known Tyler since the sixth grade and used to talk a lot a long time ago, but of course, we never became close throughout all of the years of gradeschool.  They only thing we would do to communicate was sending a random text to one another maybe once or twice a school year to 'keep in touch'.  One of the last times, before we started dating, that he texted me was when he was still in basic training for the Army.  At this point in time, my breakup with John was already started and I told Tyler this....which I don't think he expected, and from there he told me when he would be back in town.  We planned to hang out once he got back to catch up and we did.  The first night we hung out was at his friends Aaron's house.  They were having a get together so I stopped by.   Honestly, I was super nervous.  I remember exactly what he was wearing and the way he smelt.....which was amazing.  I was sort of shy because that's just me by nature, and the fact that I've always had even the slightest crush on him, made me shell up.  I was a sucker....I really liked him.  From that night on, we started hanging out almost every day.  He invited me to his Army Christmas dinner, I met his parents, and I'd stay over at his house from time to time.  I honestly never saw it come, the whole Tyler and Alicia thing...but it did and I'm so happy it did.