Kissing Families

Stop the season stop the sting
A plastic mic a broken string
Infected wound from a rusty ring

Soon you'll be there too

Kissing families can't recall
A program to derail us all
Forgotten prison it's been safe 'til now

It's no wonder that we did it this way
Keep looking forward on paths sideways
It's everything that is connected and beautiful
And now i know just where i stand
Move on
Roll along
Not today
It's everything that is connected and beautiful
And now i know just where i stand

Thank god you're heart is too close

This can be the bitter end
I know it wont

Well someone said i made a mistake
Kept looking forward on paths sideways
It's everything that is connected and beautiful
And now i know just where i stand
Seasons always shift too late
Spent too much time now on paths sideways
Everything that is connected and beautiful
And now i know just where i stand
Thank god it's over....


My favorite song.
"Kissing Families" by Silversun Pickups. I don't know why exactly, but the lyrics, the instruments, absolutely everything about this song just makes me fall in love. I heard it during a hard time in my life, and since then it stuck. They've played it both times when I saw them live and honestly, the second time...I cried. It's that great to me. I will forever be in love with the Silversun Pickups.

*Image taken by me!* (Front row baby!)

Reaching Out

There is someone that I really want to reach out to and just try to help with the best of my ability. They are going through a really tough time right now, and they have been for a few months, however, they completely shut me out of their life for a very stupid reason. Something that they jumped to conclusions about and thought that I was attacking something that I was not. Some guy in the Army put a really immature comment on my facebook about the one thing they were the most upset about, not being able to have sex, and I reacted telling him that he should really be thankful that he's still alive. I meant this in this way: there are so many men and women losing their lives overseas and all this guy can think about is sex? It really annoyed me. Well, the person I am wanting to help took it the wrong way, told me I should be thankful that I'm still alive and said that I should be ashamed of myself for disrespecting him and anyone in the military. I was clearly, in NO WAY whatsoever, doing this. That's crazy. I have the upmost respect for everyone in the service, I was just perturbed by this guys selfishness, especially since he was single and just wanted a good time.

Well, I still really care for this person's feelings and it really kills me to see that she is hurting so badly. We went to school together, were really good friends during Senior year, but for some reason, something just went wrong. Many of you probably follow this person on here, and would understand what I'm trying to say and why I want to reach out to her so badly, but I honestly feel like my efforts would be shoved to the side and not appreciated at all. I've tried before, and that happened.

Spirit Week

This week at work has been spirit week. We've had different themes each day and we all competed as teams on who wore what the best. Monday was decades day. I wore a tye-dye peace sign shirt with peace sign earrings, a long flowy skirt and my hair in a headband head wrap. Tuesday was crazy hair or hat day. If I would have thought about it, I would of just worn one of Tyler's patrol caps, but it didn't cross my mind until after. Instead, I wore my hair extentions, but only some of them. lol Not only were they not all there, but they don't really match my hair color any longer either :p Wednesday was bandana day. This one wasn't fun. I hate bandanas, so I just dressed nice and threw one in the back pocket of my jeans. Thursday was Hawaiian day/beach day. Again, I don't have themed items, so I wore a black maxi dress with a aqua cartigan over it.

Today is my favorite theme day! It's RED, WHITE, and BLUE day!!! I'm definitely pro-America (haha) so I soaked this one up! I'm wearing a blue and red striped shirt that has a cute little blue bow on the back. I'm wearing white capris and shiny red wedged heels. I feel very patriotic, but nautical, as well. I love it. It makes me even more excited for the fourth to hurry up and be here! So pumped you don't even know!


Update on the position I'm trying to get: there isn't one. I still don't know. It's been wayyyy tooooo longggg and I haven't even heard a no yet. I think at this point I just want to know if it's a yes or no because the waiting sucks. A LOT. It has been two weeks now!!!

Tyler and I rucked (of course, I didn't have a ruck on) at a very fast pace last night. We did a total of five miles and it felt like victory. I was extremely tired and wanted to go to bed, but it's important to me for him to know that I support him and want to be his motivation...so I sucked it up and went with him. I didn't gloat or anything about being a trooper (I feel pretty good for helping him with his training), but he willingly acknowledged that I'm very supportive and motivating for him. I really like hearing him say that. It made my night, and made me feel awesome for not sleeping when I really wanted to. Go team!

Tonight I'm camping. This could be good...or it could be bad. I hate the heat. I hate not having my bed. I hate bugs. Bugs used to not like me, but this Summer they are eating me up. I'm not sure why, but my legs look absolutely atrocious from being bitten so many times. Tomorrow we are all going to the river and floating. I am excited. I love the river, and I love getting a tan.

I hope everyone has a delightful weekend and FOURTH!!

Stresscation

"Stresscation"- a vacation that has turned completely stressful; no longer a joyful vacation; not fun; annoying; frustrating; not fun, ugh; fucking stupid; ew: Stresscation. (WARNING: This post may contain a lot of vulgar words).

I'm supposed to be going to California on 'vacation' in late August. I'm not looking forward to it. Nope, not at all. This really aggrivates me because normally I would be estatic at the idea of having a week off from work and not being in Arkansas. Not this time. Why, you ask? (I never hardly complain about Tyler's mother, but I can't help it). This vacation has turned stressful because of her. I understand that because she now lives in California, she and Tyler barely get to see one another. I get it, I really do. I'm all for going to California to visit. I love his mom, but the lady is stressing me the fuck out. First of all, Tyler and I do not make a lot of money. Yes, I work 40 hours a week, but I also put out a lot of money on bills and such, which doesn't leave me very much vacation $$$. This is an issue for many reasons.

1) She doesn't understand that a ticket one way is equal to one of my monthly bills. That equals two bills.
2) She doesn't understand that neither of us can afford taking more than a week off of work. This entails us not only spending money while on vacation, but not making a weeks worth of $$$.
3) I am also in the process of getting a better position. I don't know if I have it yet. I should find out this week. If I don't get, all I will have to ask off for would be the weekdays, since I already have the weekends off. If I get this new position, then that means I would have to ask for more days off in the long run.

THENNNNNN... We were talking about the trip via email and I told her that I am trying my hardest to work things out. I told her my situation and that I didn't want to jeopardize my current position or even ruin my chances at getting this new one. Sounds about right...right? Well, she pull the "importance" card. Meaning she said, "well good, it makes me feel important to you." Well lady, of course you are! But please, I'm begging you, PLEASE...that card is not needed. It only adds stress to the situation. It makes me feel bad about being concerned with my job; which I shouldn't feel bad for.

Now it's just one big stress ball forming in the bottom of my stomach. I have a stress baby. It's growing bigger and bigger and I hate it.

It also doesn't help when I'm trying to be a voice of reason for Tyler, as well. He works less than I do. Like, right now he's only part-time. He has recently complained about not having money, however, he's trying to get me to agree to stay even long than a week. I keep telling him that I know we're going to get there and we aren't going to have any fun because we won't have money to spend. We're going to break. Not just that, but when we get home we won't be getting a paycheck because we wouldn't of been working. He thought that he would only be missing four days of work, but I let him know that he'd actually be missing a full seven days. I think that may have woken him up a bit, but not enough. I told him,

"Ty, babe, I know you all too well. We are going to get to California and we are both going to be broke. You're going to get really frustrated and start cursing like none other and want to go home."

" He laughed (because he knows I am correct as this has happened before). I then said,

"Yep, you laugh because you know it'll happened. It happened in Florida last Summer...remember? And Tyler, you can get really frustrated with your mother, especially when she wants to do a lot of stuff of which you don't want to do. She's already mentioned stuff that she wants to do that you said you don't want to do. I know you, all too well, and I know that you will have a kiddie-bitch fest with that as well. Babe, add not having money and you're gonna wanna come back to Arkansas really fast...and I'd hate for us to come home frustrated to no paycheck."

I can be a real bitch when I know I am right. But GOOD GAWWWWWD, I know this is how it's all gonna go down!

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it'll be fun, but I honestly feel like it won't be the best because I'm going to be stressed the whole time.

What do you think? Do you think I'm being super unreasonable? Do you think I'm being selfish?

Hi, my name is Alicia.

I feel as if I need to introduce myself again because I've been so distant. I swear I'm still here, for all of my 8 wonderful followers to follow :)

My life has been super busy lately. I am no longer a customer relations agent for Walmart, but an agent for Private Brands instead. I'm excited to be learning more about the company and expanding my education as a whole. It'll really help me I believe. I've been training for the position for about two weeks now from 7:30am-4:00pm Monday-Friday, so by the time I get out of work, I go straight home to enjoy an evening with Mr. Handsome. I get the weekends off and all to myself, which is absolutely wonderful. I'm in love with it to be honest, and it's a nice challenge.

Tyler is trying to be released from the Reserve as his contract is up, and he is then going to go Active, which I am very excited for him about. It's where his heart is set, and though I know it will be super tough (you military ladies are so strong for doing what you do), I know it'll all be worth it and I support him 100%.

This past weekend Tyler and I went to the River and kayaked for six miles. It was crazy fun and I got a pretty good tan. We went with one of my friends and one of his friends. The two didn't know each other, but they got along really well, so it wasn't awkward. lol Thank goodness. Afterwards, we went to dinner and then filed a police report...haha. Tyler's car got hit by an intoxicated driver the night prior. The fucker knew he did it and when we tried to call him to work things out, was completely and totally ignorant about the whole thing. The police spoke with him on the phone, but he was shady with them and wouldn't give them any of his information. I really do hate the cops here. They act like they are the shit, but when it really comes down to it, they dont' do ANYTHING! They knew this guy was in the wrong, but they blew it off and didn't continue any kind of search for him (even though he was completely unwilling with them). BLAH!

My teeth are moving pretty quickly! And you have no idea how much this excites me. :p I can't wait for them to be beautiful!

With the thought of moving to North Carolina, there is something I definitely want to do once I get there. I saw Lady (over at NoModelLady) promoting the Pin-up CherryBlossom photography and I want to do a shoot SOOOOO BAD! I have always wanted to do a pin-up shoot, and I think Tyler would enjoy it, as well. I think I'll wait until I get the braces off of course. :p

With a photoshoot in mind, that reminds me! I've been working out, running, and watching what I put in my body and it's been working!! YAY! I'm down to about 124 and just really trying to tone up a bit.

I'm really going to try to keep updating, but it's quite difficult being so busy all of the time...so until next time!

No one said it would be easy

...or cheap. I went to the Periodontics doctor on Tuesday and I found out how the AOO procedure really works and how much it is going to be. The operation is really neat and interesting actually, and I was shocked to find out that I'd be awake the whole time, too. A total of four to five hours of my mouth wide open. That's not the hard part, though. I found out that it would cost $5,143.00, and it would all need to be paid in full on the day of the operation. No insurance company, dental or medical, covers this procedure, so I'm out of luck on that one. They do offer Care Credit, however, but of course, I was only approved for $1,000.00 of the $5,000.00 because I don't have much credit, at all. The doctor wants to do this in a month. A MONTH. Which would mean that I would need the money that soon. You're supposed to get this done very soon after braces are put on, so that's why there is a rush. I don't know what I'm going to do as of yet, but I'm determined to figure something out.
Tomorrow is the extraction day... I'm not looking forward to missing four front teeth, (at least they aren't SUPER noticable, but still. I'm not going to like it. I just keep telling myself that the outcome is going to be great. That's what truly matters.

Hope everyone is doing great and enjoys their weekend! I'll try to update with some photos soon!

Smiles and Tattoos

I look a lot younger now because of the braces, but I really like this photo of Tyler and I. This was us going out for a friends birthday dinner.

Brittany and I.

Blake and I. He is seriously a hoot.

Katie, the birthday woman!

This is a photo I took when I had just dyed my hair. I promise I'm not nude, but wearing a strapless dress :)

And for the tattoo part. I remember saying that I would add photos of all of the tats that I have so far, so here they are, in order of when I got them.

My angel wings. For my father that passed away when I was younger.

My sparrow. Sparrows can mean many things, but most notably, they signify freedom, and this is the reason that I got one. The time when I got it, I knew that it was time for me to leave home. I have always been very mature and responsible growing up, but I was never really treated like I was by my parents. Because of this, I HAD to get out and be on my own. It was a big step, but it was time that I fly from the nest.

"No Lies, Just Love". I got this soon after I got out of a four year relationship. The purpose for these really is simple, but I get the most grief about this tattoo because people just don't understand. I got it because during that relationship, I knew that I wanted out of it, but I kept lying to myself and stayed in it for much longer than my heart really wanted to. I made a vow to myself to not to try to convince myself that something can work out, when you honestly know it cannot.

"The Harder the Conflict, the More Glorious the Triumph". Of course, the title of my blog and a quote that I will forever live by. Around the time of that break up, I had no idea why I had such a sudden change of heart and it really confused me and bothered me a lot. My emotions were out of nowhere, and totally unexpected. During the whole thing, after we were completely over, I still lived with him. Not because I wanted to, who would, but because we had a lease and I had nowhere else to go because of money. I am a good person, and because I am, I still paid my half of the rent even when I was completely out because that was a commitment that I knew I had. Besides that, during this whole time, my mom gave me a lot of grief for not knowing what my mind and heart was thinking, which made everything harder. Friends did, too. My friend didn't agree with me breaking up with him and the way that everything was happening, she recited this quote to me. Like I said, it really hit home and applies to everything in life. The harder the issues, the conflicts that you struggle through, the more you learn from them and grow. You appreciate so much more when you have to go through hard times.